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In a dark time, the eye begins to see. --t. roethke

Are you blocking love?

4/11/2023

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Valentine’s brings up the theme of love, often sold to us in a costume of pink toxic nostalgia. In order to deepen the experience, we have to step out of marketing schemes of bottled romance and start first, with ourselves. Loving ourselves more completely, our self-worth deepens by one, keeping our promises to ourselves. Not neglecting self-care. Understanding our own boundaries so we can then show up more fully in our relationships. More vital, attuned, loving.

How well do you care for yourself? What is it you avoid most?

Are you in pain every day? Oftentimes, we don’t even realize the pain we're in because we move so fast--we move so fast, so we don't have to feel that pain—or feel anything. We think so fast, so we don't have to feel the pain; we talk so fast, we eat so fast, we drink so fast, and we drive fast....

We just go, go, go because we don't want to realize we're in pain. We’re in pain, whether it is our own or feeling the effect of everything going on in the world. 

We may feel alone, we feel separate, we feel judged, or attacked, yet we know in our bones it's not our true nature. Unconsciously we feel guilty, and alone. This is how resistance to our light and love shows up. This is how we unwittingly block love.

We become blocked to the presence of love because we become so faithful to the presence of fear.

Judgment, attack thoughts, fear, a feeling of separation, they all block us from the connection we long for. Resistance arrives.  Our unconscious safety mechanism-designed to avoid pain, yet it keeps us stuck.

Life is the perpetual dance between our greatest desire and our greatest fear. We might feel,
‘everybody else has it under control but we don’t....’ so we create blocks. Often unwittingly. Sometimes intentionally.

When we feel this doubt, loathing, and judgment, we have simply forgotten the love we have within us. We have forgotten the power of gratitude, appreciation, tenderness, joy, kindness and creativity that are all within us. 

What needs to be released to come home to your radiance? Your light?
To come back to the knowing of the body?

“I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness
the astonishing light of your own being.”

                                                                          -Hafiz     
We all have the same problem—resistance, fear. And we all have the same solution; which is that we can return to love. To compassion. We are in this together. Focus on loving yourself and being compassionate in community, whether you are single, coupled, throupled or undetermined.

What if you broaden the definition of love and understanding love as a cosmic force of nature.   Care.  Awareness.  Respect.  A flow state.  This Valentine’s ask yourself, ‘where are you blocking love? Unwilling to receive care from yourself or another?’ Our lives are shaped by the questions we are willing to ask.

If you are lonely, Ask yourself, what can you do for another? If you are in a strained relationship, think of a way to extend the olive branch and some deeper appreciation to them. If you are coming to terms with the completion of a relationship, soak in all you've learned from that experience.

Adding up your subtle shifts can create radical transformations. Keep your promises to yourself, and have your own back first.

Affirmations for the week ahead:
I release any negative energy that I no longer want to be in.
I stretch beyond my limiting beliefs...
I choose to love myself fully.
I make love a habit; I see my relationships through the lens of love.
Feeling my feelings sets me free.
Rest restores me to my highest self.


If you want something new to listen to try this podcast episode on "Have You Considered?"

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And if you are looking for a relationship tune-up to support your couples therapy or simply tweak your connection to the next level of intimacy check out my 21-day Couples Tune-Up Online Course here:
Couples Tune-Up - NORMA HOEPPNER (soulbrush.ca)
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Not all great love stories involve humans.
With so much encouragement,
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P.S. Please feel free to pass this along to any friends or colleagues you feel might be interested or benefit.
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Betwixt and Between: Liminal Space

3/21/2023

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On the threshold of spring equinox and another change of season, check in with yourself –where are you stagnant? Feeling resistance? Where are you joyous? Are you beginning to feel the life force flowing stronger again, just as the sap in the sugar maples has begun to run, with sweetness and nourishment. 

I’ve had a particular fascination with liminal space in the past 4 months. This space between endings and a new beginning.  Simply letting myself lean in, allow and explore.  Sometimes we find ourselves there, through no choice of our own.  Leading gently with meditation and reflection as the tools to ask ourselves, ‘how does it feel to navigate psychological liminal space?’

What am I even talking about you ask?  
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Liminal is latin for threshold. In architectural terms it is spaces between; doorways, hallways –places of transit or holding.  Liminal space refers to a place or person enduring a transitional phase or period.  It refers also to rites of passage –anthropologically and psychologically.   Marriage, divorce, childless to a child born, death--passages from one place to another—moving, uprooting, unemployment, graduating......
they are times with associated rituals and markers...
New Year’s eve and Birthdays among them. 

It’s a gap.  In physical form like a doorway, or a hallway that explores transition, or emotional/psychological like a divorce or a death, or metaphysical like a decision.   

It’s also a gap, such as the ethereal space between your inhalation and exhalation.  A profound part of the breath cycle, when you tap in deeply.  Make peace with this space.  Breathe more fully into this space.

This is also where metamorphosis happens.   

Everything has a beginning, middle and end.  Where are you most comfortable? Familiar? It can be unsettling when we are at a place during a time that's not routine.  Unknown.    Uncertain.  The in-between.   Out of the comfort zone.


This ‘betwixt and between’ can be unsettling.   
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The in-between a completion cycle and a new beginning, can often feel like you are suspended.  Ungrounded.  Even stalled, or stagnant.  Expectant...perhaps even a forlorn atmosphere filled with nostalgic notes, full of the energy of both longing and letting go.    The liminal space between ‘what was’ and ‘what’s next’. 

Liminality: In essence, the experience of early pandemic was a global suspension in liminal space. Society was disorganized and overwhelmed, rife with uncertainty. 

There is a psychological need to accord space, time and place for liminal feeling. (Although we often don’t).

As such, there are two main risks associated with liminal space – we either provide no ritual space at all in our lives to digest and integrate’-- or....we stay in it too long.  Stuck.
 
Our cultural tendency is to bypass it altogether, speeding along as we do to the next thing.  Ignoring our gnawing feelings and compartmentalizing to a fault. 

Take an extra long exhale here.
Check in with yourself.
Do you tend to just, ‘push on’?


Twilight is a perfect example of liminal time –between day and night, emblematic of the middle ground between light and shadow.    The polarity of light and shadow ties well to the tension between nostalgia, longing and letting go--
any liminal space requires transitional processing of the individual or group. 

If liminal space then, is the space between one destination and the next—(an airport is the architectural holding tank of this concept)—how can you bring more acknowledgement and awareness to whatever passage you yourself are traversing?   Completion of a cycle, likely comes with some grief and joy, the old compliment of mixed emotions.  Even an ordinary heartfelt goodbye at an airport is usually layered. 

Take an extra long exhale here.  Check-in with yourself. 

Allow.      Allow.      Allow.  

Allow the breath to unleash feelings otherwise being swept away or hidden.   These thresholds are significant in our lives, yet also mysterious.  Unnerving.   Allow the noticing; The honouring of this passage. 

Why do we have so much trouble taking deep breaths?
Speed. Tension. Distraction. Overwhelm. 
Are you good at taking time for digestion, acknowledgement and processing of cycles?

This space is a tenuous passage in which transformation is allowed to take place. 

Allow.  Allow.   Allow.  

       At times it can be rough as in the play, “Waiting for Godot,”  the characters vacillate between hope and hopelessness.  It is a waiting period but different, as only through a condition of liminality can we often finally see the way forward. 

If you’re feeling betwixt and between, simply embrace it and allow.
Breathe,
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Lighten your Load

3/8/2022

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Hi there.   Although I haven't posted a blog for a while,   I wanted to wrap up 2021 with a brief reflection surfing the year-end vibes,  to encourage a pause in your day; to integrate,  to rest, to consider. We generally go at such a breakneck speed, this time of year is excellent to learn from our animal teachers, the bear for one, for much needed hibernation medicine.  Slowing down.  If you allow it.   Give yourself the gift of permission to simply restore thyself this winter passage through solstice and beyond.

​December Musings
​
​I have felt a heaviness all around.​

Beyond the darkness lies an uncertainty and longing.
​There is both my own and those I observe in my work.


Restless limbs reach for comfort in too much emptiness,
Hearts echo hollow with the freedom they dream of ...
‘Yet- "it’s okay", the moon whispers to us through a luminous
tune - shimmering bright on an otherwise dark long night.

It’s really okay, isn't it?

In spiritual practices, it is wise intention setting to create a vibration of
All is well.

All is well.

No matter what dramas and suffering unfold before you, there can be gratitude in the simple act of deep breaths. A reset of your physiology in mere moments. A resourcing of your generous, beating, beautiful heart.

All is well.
All is well most times. Despite it all.​
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Presence yourself in the moment.
Rooting into your bare feet on the creaking floor.  Ground yourself. 

Even by the deathbed, holding a fading hand.
Even by the crib, comforting a distressed infant.
It’s all too much and yet, it’s still okay.

Isn’t it?
All is well.

The chant of mantras wishing into the abundant future of unknowns, scattered like dandelion wisps to take seed. The future, now filled with uncertainties of pandemic designed new realities.

There is no normal anymore.

Yet all is well.
Surely, we have enough, with our feasts and our friendships. How lucky we are. To experience this amazing adventure, to be the ones designing history through this auspicious time of rapid change.

We have our radiant hearts
Our beleaguered hopes
Our phantoms to dance with
Our anger to light on fire for warmth

It’s enough, isn’t it?
​
All is well.

Let your sorrows be.

They tap you on your shoulder for a reason;  Fill your eyes to overflowing because they have no manners, no sense of teatime etiquette-sorrows certainly do not tell the time.   Just as the newborn in distress looks for love and comfort,   so do we all. We all have within us, the ability to self soothe, to love large, forgive generously and comfort ourselves. We, our deepest, most Loyal and long-standing friend we will ever know.  (When we give ourselves permission to love.)

Cherish yourself as a precious offering this season. Even through your doubt. Your grumblings. No need for perfection, take off the mask. You are beautiful and loved there, where your truth shows it’s vulnerability.

All is well.

Here we are together; Gathering our tears, and sorrows, grudges and hurts like a broken string of black pearls for the jeweler,
We wear them so well.

Yet all is well. And always has been. Where do you hide your joys?
Rather string them like popcorn for the tree and light them up!

With My in-breath, I am both grateful and thrilled for this deeply flawed and wonderful life.  My out-breath relieves me of pressures and stress and allows me to let go, to simply be.
To soften. 
With a fully surrendered exhale.

Yes it’s okay.

All is well.
Perhaps there remains a heaviness all around. Like stodgy Christmas pudding a strange bitter taste lingers from 2021.

But yes, it’s okay.

All is well.
 
We will begin again. And we will make it good.

We will release the unsung sorrows, the tense unspoken words and let our soft mammal body unfurl in its longing. Release.

Deep deep sleep calls from the long winter night.

We are tired in our bones. Can you feel it?

Yet all is well.​

Wishing you so much joy and wonder,

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Art Reels

7/26/2021

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Pick up a paintbrush,
a pen.
A pencil...
some clay,
your running shoes,
​the yoga mat...

Just begin somewhere with something that calls to you.
Just begin.
 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Yes.
       You.       Can.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Create before you consume.
Be a priority in your own life.

This weekend I will dance.
​In fact, I’m dancing right now!
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Bless This Blissful Mess

6/18/2021

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The Genius of Movement

4/14/2021

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The genius of movement....in praise of our MASTERPIECE, the human body.

[Movement; joy, healing, strength, grace, expression, personal power, dance.]

Our body, yes: everybody's body, the human-machine, was built to move. Even the perennial couch potato's.​
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     Writing this, I have recently returned from a white belt NIA dance teacher training held in the majestic BC coastal mountains.   This has been a decade long dream since I was first introduced to the inventive hybrid of NIA dance.    Marrying yin/yang effortlessly,  it is a joyful expression of what Nia calls, ''the body's way''.   The most natural way to find strength, coordination, and well-being while preventing injury and burn out.    Not to mention the secondary rewards of kinship, delicious music, and personal creativity.    It is the frequent longing for more creative movement and physical expression, not just 'fitness' that has led me on a lifelong journey to find Nia.
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     Dance of course,  gives you a bit of all of it.   S  l  o  w  intimate dances, fuNky swing, break dancing, martial moves, yogic balance,   jazz attitude, tap, modern dance - at times as indecipherable as abstract painting; yet freeing, captivating, cathartic. It is the energetic steps dissolving into the stillness, agility snuggling playfully with strength moves. And the intensity, of course, depends on the player.

     The theatre of dance tells our story.  Dance expresses so many levels of ourselves; our spirit, our longings, our physical reality, the material poetry of our body. Perhaps physical intelligence lives most fully in dance. The gifts of movement, and the sheer genius of our body design, maximized through the marriage of all elements in NIA;  strength, agility, flexibility, speed, and stability; collected artfully in the moving sculpture of your own making.

     It's true that sometimes I love and need the power and strength of running, the independence of the trail, the unending road. The sheer simplicity of a solo run. Sometimes I need the calming beauty of the forest or the daunting challenge of the mountain terrain; the uninterrupted eagle view is always your reward at the top, as well as the camaraderie of fellow hikers.
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     At other times, I need quiet. Rest. Stillness. Healing from various emotional and physical ailments I have often turned to chi gong, yin yoga, or Tai chi; for the wisdom, gentleness, and grace that comes with slowing down.
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     Rather contrary to this quiet, centered wisdom then, there are also the POWER fantasies of being an unstoppable gymnast/ martialartsesque 'time and space bender' with parkour moves; crouching tiger, hidden dragon style, feeling 100 ft. tall and IMMORTAL. (I know you can relate!!) But alas, that I have never mastered this level of adeptness and athleticism goes without saying.
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     It is truly the celebration of the movement of any kind, that I feel called to share.
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     The strength and power one feels lifting weights, or the supple, toned, and stretched results of pilates. The peace and beauty of kayaking under a full moon, and the utter relaxation after a swim in the pool. The crazy fRusTRatinG learning Curve of surfing or the thrill of downhill skiing. There is also the kick-butt, sweat generating, 'heat up a winter day' on cross country skis (or snowshoes) kinda workout. The array of gifts and experiences movement brings is rather infinite and astounding. The JOY, the friends, the community spirit when you join a race or a fund-raising walk; sometimes even the pain, setbacks, soreness, the sprained ankles and wrists from basketball, The fear of ''not being good enough'', but the growing confidence and opportunity to test these things and trust trying is enough, winning is fun, but showing up is what counts! The tension of relay races and people counting on you, the excitement of shooting out of the blocks when you hear the starter pistol. 
     
     Tripping your partner in three-legged races, families cheering at summer camp picnics. I cannot emphasize enough, the joy being in this mechanically brilliant body has afforded me.
     
      To say nothing of the sensual pleasures.......

    How can you not give back and take exquisite care of your temple that breathes all day long to fuel your thoughts, your activities, your work, your entire miraculous moving life? 
     
      It is the vessel through which we experience our very existence. 
     
     Yes, it's true, you caught me. I do get caught up in the petty complaints, the years agonizing over big arms or bumpy thighs, a few extra pounds, motivating oneself to get out the door, tripping over big feet and the sometimes indignities of say, mmm....a bout of food poisoning. Sometimes just sheer fatigue and being overwhelmed weighs us down. Cycles of chronic pain can interrupt good intentions.
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    Meanwhile, the fuller reality is still that the human body is just phenomenal and gives us so much while asking so little in return. The empowerment of movement never ceases to amaze me and raise me up! You don't have to be an Olympian, just shake your booty, because even small movements are fun and energizing. Just take a good long look at that amazing mechanism at the end of your arm called the hand, and thank it for all it does for you day in and day out; writing, holding a cup of coffee, typing...these are movements.  
     
​     If you don't Love to move then learn to move. Just shake it off. And I promise you, if you pay attention, you will fall in love with your ability to move, over and over again.
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     Even the frail elderly, declining, and vulnerable will come to life with music; feeling the beat, swaying heads, and snapping those digits. We, all of us, (even those that haven't figured it out yet) love to move. The body was built for it. The brain requires it. Movement juices your brain, energy, and mood in such a vital way that AHA! Moments become more frequent, problems find solutions, and creative ideas F L O W. 
   
   Walking is famous as a method for blasting creative blocks throughout the centuries. Composers, artists, writers, and inventors have used it as a natural balm since the dawn of time. Aristotle, Edison, Brahms, Beethoven, Monet, Dickens, O'Keefe are all fine examples. Julia Cameron speaks of walking as a spiritual rite of passage into a deeper creative life in her well-loved tome, 'the Artist's Way'. 
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​   Francine Shapiro, an American psychologist, discovered the portal to her groundbreaking trauma tool EMDR, by taking long walks in the woods when  she was upset and observing changes that occurred in her well being and processing. 

     Walking is our birthright.

     It's just plain good for us.

        And really, pretty darn cool when you spend some time truly honoring the mechanics of the body and its elegant design. The fuelling system, alignment of 206 bones and 640 skeletal muscles; our motor, speed, and cadence that quietly coordinates itself for us during an afternoon summer stroll for ice cream!! 

         Even when ill in bed, circle those ankles, stretch out your arms, or focus on deepening your breath. do your best, from where you're at, to keep moving. Honor your body. 
     
     If you were perhaps plagued growing up by clumsiness, oversize, illness, general awkwardness, thick glasses, bad balance, and felt all of this has ruined your connection with movement forever...... I encourage you to try again. 

     Try differently. Try inwardly. 
​
     You are amazing! OF this I am certain.
     Whatever your circumstance. Whatever your shape or skill or fitness level. IF you have never fostered a healthy or loving relationship with exercise, due to bullying yourself through self-loathing or at the hand of others; 

     Lest I say again, just Shake. It. Off. 
     (insert Taylor Swift dance video here for inspiration)..
     Shift into loving, gentle moves. (It's sooooooo much less arduous).
     Scrap the idea of exercise and fall in love with the miracle of movement.
     It is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. 
​
     We have perhaps become too banal about the miraculous. A side effect of our times brought on by constant inundation with knowledge, advancement, and over-exposure to, well, everything. We have the bad habit of lulling ourselves to sleep on autopilot. Wake up the W O W factor. 

     Back to basics.

     The slow movement from Italy, the sexy resurgence of minimalism; reduce, reuse, recycle...these all hold the same core value of doing it yourself with less gadgetry and fuss. Nike was on to something big when they came up with their tag line, 'Just do it. ' 

     I remember many sublime moments of inspiration in my own life afforded by my body in motion. A remote canoe trip in my 20's in the beautiful lake of the woods region, complete with the challenge of portaging, the splendor of encountering owls, a near-miss with a mama bear and cubs, an otherworldly full moon, a huge turtle, and birds I had never seen or heard. These things, these beauties, and connections I would never have known or touched without the capabilities of my body. I have mountain biked up remote trails in beautiful Deutschland, in search of Ein Schloss, and jumped for joy upon the newly toppled Berlin wall in 1990, as well as many nights danced away until dawn, one of the few, rare ways I witness sunrises.

     What are your top 5 experiences your body moved you too? Needless to say, it is remarkable to tally your exquisite experiences brought by the joy and sensations of movement. And oh yes, sex most certainly counts. 

     Do something. You don't have to look good doing it, you don't even have to know what to call it, just wiggle those toes. They are anxious to lead you out the door to a new version of you in motion. Use some elbow grease baking that cake, leave your mixer behind, remind your body of the muscle and coordination of beating a meringue that has all but been completely erased from your modernized, techno gadgety mind.
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     Stretch the parameters of your cramped, tense animal body....  r - e - a - c - h ...and see the rewards and magic manifest. Joy is to be had by the simple pleasure of tapping your foot in a cafe to tunes. 

     If you are feeling stuck, and you're reading this and still distracted by an internal discouraging voice, start small. Flutter those eyelashes, loosen your jaw, take a deep breath. 

     Then take ten steps. Be creative. Be playful. Tiny Tippy Toes....then giant, exaggerated steps. 

    Break it down. Start small. Build from there. You, yes you, not just that gym rat over there or that svelte young thing, are in an amazing body. We are all powerful beyond measure and frankly, we are sheer genius in motion.
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     It is after all dialogue with your body to be nurtured; a relationship that needs attention as any does. It is communicating in sacred simplicity with the cells of your body to honor your life force. 

     Your personal divine poetry. 

     Just show up, WAKE UP and r I S E UP!
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THANK YOU for being here with me. 

xo 
 
NH

Check out my Youtube Channel here:
Norma Hoeppner - Soulbrush - YouTube
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Close Encounters of the Bird Kind

9/29/2019

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When I discovered the Amazon rain-forest was burning I wanted to scream from the top of my lungs while I still had breath. I wanted to recoil in fear under the blankets with my purring cat lulling me to unconscious slumber-waiting for our expedited demise.....

BUT  there I opened my eyes instead, 
slowed my heart rate and my exhale,
                                                                              and realized it was a beautiful calm day.  

Where I stood, on the other hemisphere,  it was quiet.  

Maybe I could be more value if I enjoyed the day? 

Redirected  more funds to eco-causes?  Raised awareness?  If i simply Tried to help others by doing my job--live my best life loving this planet and my precious breath by not allowing despair to bury me alive.   This idea began to penetrate, my wiser self nudging me toward more inspired action.

I would need to find a different strategy to navigate climate crisis--seemingly the WWlll of our time against ourselves.  Climate crisis and environmental poisoning has been going on since the industrial revolution in the well disguised name of progress.    I cried about acid rain as a kid, worried endlessly with nightmares about nuclear war  and did science fair projects on how to clean up oil spills.  I was distressed at the frequent oil spills in the ocean at that time.   I won trophies and contests and my first air travel with pride to the Canada Wide Science Fair . I was  13.  That was the 80's.    

Now,  I live on a little island in the Pacific Ocean next to mainland BC, Canada.  This is one of my strategies to stay connected to nature and grounded in my skin and keep my sanity.   It's pretty and rustic  and tourists flock  here every summer like migrating birds.   I stay away from the crush of market crowds and demands in the heady days of summer and rather retreat to my near acre of trees sheltering various animal folks that keep me well entertained.   

Among them this summer,  a posse of  comical  baby racoons tumbling after their  bad ass  mama,  a collection of hummingbird world class fighter fliers vying for the feeder and the vigilant deer wandering through in search of safety and good grazing.   Visitations from the animal world never disappoint.   They always help me feel more deeply connected to nature, honoured and in awe of  their tenacity, wisdom, stamina and inventiveness. 

I was a bird once,
high above -------------with an eagle eye, floating on the rafters,
I weighed nothing-- my flesh body clinging to the skinny strings of the glider--

yet  my spirit flew unencumbered,

   'rise above, rise above. ' the mountains cheered me on as I soared.  

It was the most sublime experience of my life.  I remember this in my exhale, in my marrow, my mind forgets but my heart never does---the freedom known...

Birds now find me--
since then, they must see me as their own--

Ravens skim the crown of my head,
drop gifts at my feet
watch as I unwrap them...

Owls serenade me to sleep after they  accompany me in the woods

A hummingbird flew right up to my cheek this summer, minions of delight, I felt  like a storybook Queen under a magical spell,  it hovered so close  I could feel the draft of its  beating wings kiss my cheek....a gift from the heavens.

A little darling wren with the sweet brown eyes and tousled crown bed head --alighted on my laptop a week later, (my cat in close pursuit), his little wren head turning this way and that, intent to speak to me he had flown inside the living room, sat a few moments  and then as quickly as he arrived--he flew safely straight back outside.   He left no further instructions.

(and no, for the doubters, I am not kidding you I was just a gob smacked by these visits!)

Amazing, yah?

The gentle earth and creatures we are all responsible for and must cherish, they do try to get our attention, to share resources, to cohabitate peacefully.    They must marvel at our strangeness. 

Honouring them and protecting what is rightfully theirs is another strategy, to be consistent with our actions; simple things, less plastic, more organic choices, more vegetables, no straws that aren't metal or compostable, using recycled building materials, sugarcane paper, planting more trees.  We must.  We must love the earth the way she loves us. 

I've held a dying bird in the cradle of my hands--wept as I was split in two when it passed.  

there are millions of annual bird casualties to our cold metal and glass architecture....

these birds
these messengers
these gifts

The flock of seagulls skimming morning shimmer  on the ocean,
the acoustic Raven calling us home
robin song announcing dusk

these elements of you, 
of me

in this gratitude
I dared kiss the dawn and it embraced me as a favoured lover


let us love our way out of collective despair.  



Ms Ngh,
sept 2019


I would love to hear  how you counter anxiety and despair within our climate crisis? Please share your
inspirations...


2 Comments

London Inspiration

7/24/2019

3 Comments

 
a short and sweet visit to London and Liverpool in May primed the creative pump with art and inspiration! xo
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I surrender

2/20/2019

1 Comment

 
 
I surrender

'How do I surrender?'
Hostage to the overwhelm, simply turn your back, step away.

A  heavy snowfall muffles the incessant buzz of  collective anxiety
stillness settles in like a large heaving beast

Resistance shows up.   Tension and anxiety arrive;  yammering and gripping bags of disaster supplies,
bickering, as they do, urgently tapping toes and watches;

'no time, no time!' they urge.

whistling tea kettles announce boiling temperatures while too many balls in the air juggle treacherously through the pages of an appointment book;  fighting gravity, cancellation emails shoot their infinite vectors furiously across the ether.

Finally, it's done.
The willfulness collapses.

Ego's tight  red  corset strings let go
releasing the illusion
my animal body softens

the belly tension melts like an ice cube to a puddle
finding this sudden ease

I       surrender       to      nature's          barricade. 
 
           Succulent surrender.

                                ......there i breathe again.

Simplicity has arrived and swept up the harsh shards left by broken expectations.  She is a steadfast ally like that, elegant and wise.

                           I Surrender.   Nothing matters if nothing can be done.

There is another slow exhale..........

There is joy to be mined, after all.

There is beauty to be admired.

'I surrender.' (I whisper this).

There is a quiet to deafen us with it's rare  splendour.

                   Without the tension  there  is    e  x  p   a   n   s    i   o    n.

 I  SURRENDER. (arms open, my voice is jubilant.)

I wave my white flag as snow angel wings.

There is awe.


Ms Ngh/c. Feb 2019/



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Zeitgeist fever

1/31/2019

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Picture


 AH!   Nothing like Beginning of a new year enthusiasm, rife with juicy expectations, lofty goals and laser focused energy.

Fast forward 30 days; one long, purple nosed, rib dislocating cough, several debilitating chronic migraines and a scotch infused, tear soaked tragic funeral.



S Q U A S H  the river of enthusiasm down to a rather erratic trickle.


Wait! I'm still here, still trying...hang on, back it up!


"Please slow down 2019.”



So, if you too feel  off course, fear not, for  you're not alone.

In this  PUMP  it  UP   zeitgeist, 'be your best self' 'lightness and love' culture, 
it is extra hard to be fuzzy brained, ugly tired, ill, velcroed to your sofa in a dinosaur onsie and under functioning.


But it's all temporary.

The pitfalls.  The success.   The failure.    The enthusiasm.    The malaise.     

Everything changes rather constantly.      2019 won't slow down despite my bribes and pleas.
I don't think it's an act of malice, it's just the universe has its own intention, which , as far as I can tell, no one, including academics and scientists, is clear on.

SO finding one's own intention and sticking to it, despite the slings and arrows disguised as paper shredder fires and broken salad dressing bottles on what was a just washed kitchen floor---take heart.

Life is still like that.   No matter the new calendar year.    It's not personal.     It will always be full of tensions and setbacks.     I keep forgetting that...Clear sailing is only a fantasy we fuel on glossy instagram accounts.
Not real. So in case you are worried, full of self doubt or suffering with sniffles and heartaches, I'm here to say, go team!  
 
You still got this,   it's going to be okay;     just never as easy or smooth as we hope.

VIva la crazy ride, 2019!  


courage and vita d,
xo Ms NGH







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