Most of us have had the privilege of modern travel which in a post pandemic world now includes flight cancellations, delays, rerouting, being on hold for hours or technical glitches watching frozen airline apps spin in perpetuity. After 21 hours of trekking home Tuesday on an epic zig zag across western Canada, (what was supposed to be an easy 3 hr direct flight,) I was reminded of both the struggle, and outsized modern expectations and the havoc they play on our attitude and stress levels. Yet, it is indeed a great privilege to have such problems. I sighed with fatigue and frustration, reminding myself of this every time the agent put me onhold again. Check your privilege. Of course these frustrations and set backs spill over into work stress, impacting others and yet a third emotional round of good byes to family. However, as the buddhist saying goes, ‘Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional. ‘ The journey of resistance to acceptance and surrender, continues to present itself as one of humanities deep challenges. Resistance of what is happening adds so much unnecessary suffering to our load. With anything and almost everything. Moving, travel, death, illness, injury, surgery, break ups, divorce, job loss, seasons changing and yes, even a recovering perfectionist’s well planned day’s unforeseen interruptions. I was so grateful I made the last ferry home tues night absolutely knackered after an arduous day of turbulence, motion sickness and bad food, I was reminded of a short piece written a few years ago about just such a reality, integrating the lessons of life’s interruptions to well laid plans. 8 Lessons Learned from Island LifeTwo Sailing Wait Recently, en-route home after an exhilarating art retreat in Port Townsend, I was reminded of several life lessons which I have yet to master. Struggles which have become only more poignant living on a small island. As a result of being delayed at the border by our favourite power and control type of customs officer (one that spends far too long with every vehicle exerting their influence, despite the hour of backed up traffic), I missed my ferry home by yes, a few precious minutes. So, a fraction of a second before I bellowed about that aggravation, I rather -- reflected on the lessons before me. Ironically, this class remained rather intense, as the next ferry I caught was then forced to turn back to shore due to a medical emergency. “AH”... I worried, “will I make it home today? If I don't meet my connecting ferry, I will have to overnight elsewhere.” There is no doubt, life is made both interesting and logistically challenging, by the choice of Island living. Ergo, here is my list of the top 8 lessons I have learned living on a small island: Lesson 8. Mother Nature Rules. Respect her. The environment, including our animal friends of course, is the most important element to consider. You pay for the disposal of your garbage. You Recycle everything so packaging, specifically the ubiquitous villain plastic, will not end up in a whale's belly or your food chain. This you do yourself sorting at the depot, not leaving it at the curb. You composte. In other words, waste not, want not. During drought or not, conserve water. Be supremely careful about fire, sparks and human ignorance in this domain. I notice my huge footprint, even when trying to walk softly and barefoot. Mother nature will also handily remind us that she can and will knock out your power and cancel your ocean sailing in a heartbeat should she choose, with no apologies. Lesson 7. News travels fast, so be extra kind and keep your nose clean. This also includes being careful about whom you invite to dinner. We are interdependent no matter how much we value privacy and independence. Be neighbourly. Even 'Strangers' notice your haircuts here; pay attention. Lesson 6. Someone else is always entranced with the ferry ride you now find tedious and if you observe their enjoyment and excitement it revives your own appreciation and becomes contagious. Lesson 5. Skype/Zoom is 2nd best to in-person connection and keeps friends and family close. By all means, connect with your community and locals, but don't forget the world beyond island borders. Stay connected! Lesson 4. Support your local economy, but remember, Mail order is your secret friend. Amen. Lesson 3. You're not 'almost there' until you've landed because your travel depends on too many variables namely other people. (One road in and out leaves you vulnerable to damage after storms, flooding, tragic accident closures, unexpected ferry cancellations, tourists and medical incidents rerouting ships). It is an ever-present reminder that life is complicated and life is indeed what happens to you when you are busy making plans. Planning is an art, not a science. Lesson 2. As a large ferry turning back to port for a medical emergency will demonstrate, someone else is almost always having a worse day than you are no matter how inconvenienced you may feel, and extending compassion lessons the sting and softens you, also keeping the stress response at bay. Lesson 1. And finally, ( thunderous drum roll please) .....The....... number... .... One........ Lesson........ Learned from living life on an island, Accepting when ..... “that ship has sailed,” my friend. And you may not be on it. Grappling with ferry life can lead to the art, (and great challenge) of ACCEPTANCE: the grace to accept hard realities, lack of control and staying flexible. The lesson is understanding that both wishing and denial won't make it so. I was reminded of how many times in life I have simply resisted the reality of what is,(often forced change or loss) because I didn't want it to be so, and the enormous suffering that this can cause. How much wiser to recognize and accept the realities in the moment and move on. Let the irritation go, the illusions, the resistance...it is all a drain of valuable energy. When you watch a ship literally sail away from you, as you stand on the dock ''powerless'' and longing, left in its wake; YOU GET IT. It is humbling, yes, AND it presents you with a choice. Be present and make the most of the moment; enjoy. Acceptance is your new bff. SURE, have a brief snit if you must, (write a complaint to the Ferry company for improved schedules, prioritizing residents etc) and then take a deep breath, and retool. Take action when you can, let go of what cannot be changed, and enjoy the reality even when not planned upon. During those endless waits for ferry lines, try blowing bubbles, doodling, puzzles or juggling...because long waits are inevitable. Wise islanders can often be seen enjoying the value of power naps, or studying a new language. It would appear then, inherent in all of this, that arriving safely remains a sweet privilege, never a guarantee. It remains an inescapable truth that it is the journey where lessons and our messy, juicy lives are hard won. Bon Voyage!!
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I was watching a magic show the other day when I was reminded very viscerally of the power of perspective. Magic is a metaphor for a problem you can’t (yet) solve. I felt flummoxed and wowed by the magician’s illusion even though my logical self was looking for the answer and knew it was a trick.. ‘How does he do that?’ I thought. It was mesmerizing and just a little bit annoying that I didn’t know the ‘how to.’ It had me wondering about what happens when you feel flummoxed in your own life about seemingly unsolvable issues; and how we can quickly get into a siloed mentality. When we say to ourselves’ I can’t solve this.’ Maybe we even feel totally helpless, and silo into a victim schema. It’s a limited perspective. From one viewpoint. It’s one dimensional. Perspective is powerThink of a problem or challenge you have now. Are you stuck in a silo perspective? Sometimes friends will point out a perspective of opportunity that we were blind to for years, unable ‘to see the forest for the trees.’ Einstein knew this. He famously said, “You cannot solve a problem with the same consciousness that created it.” We must move instead from a siloed stuckness to solution-seeking, and use our visual/mental/emotional/creative lenses. In drawing for example, the artist knows to step back and look at the drawing from a distance and from different angles to ensure they are achieving the desired outcome. Perspective is everythingHave you had the experience of an old problem suddenly shifting so it doesn’t bother you anymore and the only thing that changed was how you see it Do you see one or 2 faces? How long before you see both? Optical illusions are the perfect example of seeing anew. Having a different perspective is to see clearly. Having perspective is akin to grounded awareness—How present and resourced are we? Unlike in depression where our vision is dulled and myopic; or anxiety, where our thoughts race to catastrophizing– grounding ourselves into a new perspective, is a medicine, all on its own. The breath holds such magic , ushering us back toward solution; back into the body, where our truth lives and sees more clearly. Wisdom lives here. Waiting for our full presence. What to do when you are in a silo mentality? After you notice you’re stuck try these steps…
I am a huge advocate of journaling to get past stuckness. Journaling creates a reset opportunity. Journalling is in fact your personal research project. I’ve done many creative webinars and encouraged journalling for over 30 years with clients. My own journaling experience began more diligently by age 10. (Naturally, I have acquired quite the pile of journals over time. ) Journalling is a stabilizing force. It changes your perception. Your perspective. Journalling lends the power of perspective, expands creativity, serves as our expressive medicine. There is a palpable, restorative value of mining your inner world daily. It declutters and untangles the mind and emotions. If your inner rebel is going “Ugh, no way”…may I gently suggest to try committing for seven days for 3 minutes. We will not change if we don’t make new choices and take new actions. One of the cognitive distortions of depression for example, is that myopic lens that narrows our perspective, which also directly syphons off motivation towards a new possibility as a result. Whereas Writing allows you to physically ground your inner voice through and out your body to see it. Sometimes we need a pattern interrupt |
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