Valentine’s brings up the theme of love, often sold to us in a costume of pink toxic nostalgia. In order to deepen the experience, we have to step out of marketing schemes of bottled romance and start first, with ourselves. Loving ourselves more completely, our self-worth deepens by one, keeping our promises to ourselves. Not neglecting self-care. Understanding our own boundaries so we can then show up more fully in our relationships. More vital, attuned, loving.
How well do you care for yourself? What is it you avoid most?
Are you in pain every day? Oftentimes, we don’t even realize the pain we're in because we move so fast--we move so fast, so we don't have to feel that pain—or feel anything. We think so fast, so we don't have to feel the pain; we talk so fast, we eat so fast, we drink so fast, and we drive fast....
We just go, go, go because we don't want to realize we're in pain. We’re in pain, whether it is our own or feeling the effect of everything going on in the world.
We may feel alone, we feel separate, we feel judged, or attacked, yet we know in our bones it's not our true nature. Unconsciously we feel guilty, and alone. This is how resistance to our light and love shows up. This is how we unwittingly block love.
We become blocked to the presence of love because we become so faithful to the presence of fear.
Judgment, attack thoughts, fear, a feeling of separation, they all block us from the connection we long for. Resistance arrives. Our unconscious safety mechanism-designed to avoid pain, yet it keeps us stuck.
Life is the perpetual dance between our greatest desire and our greatest fear. We might feel, ‘everybody else has it under control but we don’t....’ so we create blocks. Often unwittingly. Sometimes intentionally.
When we feel this doubt, loathing, and judgment, we have simply forgotten the love we have within us. We have forgotten the power of gratitude, appreciation, tenderness, joy, kindness and creativity that are all within us.
What needs to be released to come home to your radiance? Your light?
To come back to the knowing of the body?
“I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness
the astonishing light of your own being.”
We all have the same problem—resistance, fear. And we all have the same solution; which is that we can return to love. To compassion. We are in this together. Focus on loving yourself and being compassionate in community, whether you are single, coupled, throupled or undetermined.
What if you broaden the definition of love and understanding love as a cosmic force of nature. Care. Awareness. Respect. A flow state. This Valentine’s ask yourself, ‘where are you blocking love? Unwilling to receive care from yourself or another?’ Our lives are shaped by the questions we are willing to ask.
If you are lonely, Ask yourself, what can you do for another? If you are in a strained relationship, think of a way to extend the olive branch and some deeper appreciation to them. If you are coming to terms with the completion of a relationship, soak in all you've learned from that experience.
Adding up your subtle shifts can create radical transformations. Keep your promises to yourself, and have your own back first.
Affirmations for the week ahead:
I release any negative energy that I no longer want to be in.
I stretch beyond my limiting beliefs...
I choose to love myself fully.
I make love a habit; I see my relationships through the lens of love.
Feeling my feelings sets me free.
Rest restores me to my highest self.
If you want something new to listen to try this podcast episode on "Have You Considered?"
And if you are looking for a relationship tune-up to support your couples therapy or simply tweak your connection to the next level of intimacy check out my 21-day Couples Tune-Up Online Course here:
Couples Tune-Up - NORMA HOEPPNER (soulbrush.ca)
Not all great love stories involve humans.
With so much encouragement,
P.S. Please feel free to pass this along to any friends or colleagues you feel might be interested or benefit.