It stands to reason then, that the inverse is also true; indecision is paralysis. For example, I have had upteen ideas for blogs in the past 3 months and yet, no posted output. Topics from competitiveness in the creative nature, to Olympian inspiration, to travel logs, reflections on aging, agism, summertime blues, reviews of canadian cities, culture and landscape. So, why the inactivity then?
A constricting combination of self doubt, (what's original? does it matter? Why am I doing this?) and faltering indecisiveness have restricted my writing muscles into a frozen cramp of creative rigor mortis. It could be called the infamous writer's block, but perhaps more fitting; indolence, distraction, and generalized anxiety and neurosis overwhelming the creative circuit. Routine and discipline are important for writing, I am bad at both, at least with prose.
Sharing can feel unnerving and vulnerable at best, even privately and publicly? Well, let me tell you, it takes courage and a bit of steely resolve; Or perhaps some would rather say, a bout of hapless foolishness and an oversized ego, to post your own words to the Black hole of the cyber universe.
The frozen knot of my immobilization comes in part from constant evaluating and comparison;
Is this of value?(how?) Does it matter? (to whom?) DO I and others even enjoy it? This last question is the only one I can adequately answer.
(So please do comment, cheer, jeer, or complain...as civilly as possible, I humbly request of you)
Naturally, certain subjects appeal more to some then others. Some reflections hit the spot, others simply hit a nerve. It is always a matter of perspective. Life itself is subjective. Reading material, creative contributions, endeavours, what one deems an adventure is always very personal, like choosing a perfume. Of course, these days there are far too many allergens and asthma episodes to be wearing fragrance. It is indeed a complicated era, to be marching through one's journey on Terra firma.
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, … '' this opening held serious impact as a young girl when I first read Charles Dickens' wise words from the opening of A tale of Two Cities. His words have indeed staid the test of time and could be held true in fact, of ANY era in history.
His lines in fact, encapsulate the very nature of living. Today, we work at finding the joy, being in the moment, appreciating the now, while struggling with stress about the bleak global future, reacting to news and demands of the day and juggling the crazy busyness of modern life. Feeling at times overwhelmed can even lead to over-correcting this until a state of underwhelm is achieved, or numbness, creating a strange creepy stress of it's own.
Is there an antidote to the angst of this cycle?
It may simply be taking action.
The art of making swift decisions is POWERFUL. I think it is also a learned skill for many of us. Swift, to be clear, is also different then rash or impulsive. It simply avoids the dithering, the procrastination. Decisions free up our energy, bringing clarity, focus, and renewal. Even when the choice at hand is very difficult, painful or complex, a decision can launch us into the momentum of healing, letting go and feeling lighter; which is often energized and more expansive. As the buddha teaches, 'pain happens, but suffering is optional.'
Sometimes the decision should be simple, and isn't...say which shirt, shampoo or peanut butter to buy! One can get buried under copious detail researching ingredients, company practices and price comparisons; the mass options and choices of everyday presented us in today's western world is utterly astonishing, gluttonous and confusing. And potentially a HUGE time sucking machine. Three choices, done. Seventeen choices........23? ..........um...........???? Wtf.
This is where, and why, I am training myself to be decisive. This self induced, self administered study program has admittedly been initiated now for a few decades with intermittently poor results or forgotten application; nevertheless, I am now happy to report that I have seen much improvement recently.
Therefore, in the spirit of decisiveness, hence action, I am posting this tonight.
And, as I have just returned from a spacious trip to parts of western Canada, the next blog will be a travelogue of the grand road tour from Toronto to Ottawa, Mont -Tremblant, Quebec City, Baie Sainte-Paul, Montreal and Kingston: complete with cultural hilights, spotlights, fashion, heartwarming animals, culinary delights and disasters, all seen through the golden fall lens of September's soft light.
There, another decision. I'm feeling chuffed.
Now you try it! YES! If there is something that has been weighing on your mind, or dwelling in your proverbial background taking up valuable real estate; and you simply haven't yet made decisions about what ails you, just try it. Whatever the nature of the matter. Chuck it, chop it, recycle it,; call them, block them, invest in it or sell it. Enroll, drop out. Invest in yourself. Sure, outcomes may remain uncertain but notice how you feel after a decision; isn't that lovely?
Your own energy rises again and focus returns. Action is eloquence after all.
Part one: Finding one's inner compass through travel.
Part deux: Glad to be Canadian: and here's why.
in gratitude, NH. oct/2016